How about we all stop pretending?
What is your obsession with perfection? Why are you hiding the very thing that makes you human?
I know on a logical level, that not everyone is having an amazing time in life, and not everyone has a filter following them around 24/7 making them look hot, toned and like they have this whole adulting thing perfected. but I still can’t help but feel a bit, well, shitty about myself and my own life from time to time. I want to be honest with you all, this year I have started and quit more things than ever before, which is a real record breaker for me seems as I quit literally everything I start. I have no real idea where I am going some days, I feel a bit of a failure, I feel sad, irrelevant, without a passion or purpose. Holy fuck just saying these things sounds so depressing. And maybe that’s why I haven’t shared anything publicly for so long, because I don’t want to lie to you, I don’t want to share inspirational stuff when I feel like crap myself. But then I realised, today, that that’s the whole point. Being motivational and inspiring isn’t about life being all sunshine and roses all the time, it’s about showing people the hard, shitty and sometimes brutal truth and how you can get through it and well, if that even helps one other person get through whatever they are going through then, my content has served its purpose.
Listen, I am all for positivity, christ I have spent the last few years on my blog being motivational and trying to stick a rainbow on things that are quite frankly more like a shit storm. I’ve been getting over some seriously deep shit, an emotionally and physically abusive relationship, a toxic childhood, holy fuck I have been through it. Believe me. And I am not looking to play the victim, but If I am brutally honest with myself, I have finally fully acknowledged that thats the part I am playing. I am playing the victim, I get sad as fuck, I feel hopeless, I go round and round in patterns and circles that I know are bad for me. I complain, I cry, I isolate myself to the point that I don’t even know what I am doing.
And you know why I am telling you this? Because I truly believe that if we took the time to share these “uglier” parts of ourselves, something amazing would happen. We would connect on a deeper level, knowing we aren’t alone in our imperfections, our loneliness, our insecurities.
I think my content in 2019 will be talking about the shit we all deal with on a regular basis but many are, for some reason, too afraid to let everyone else know about. Almost like if we actually admit that life can be actually a bit boring, and definitely very shitty from time to time that some imaginary facade will be erased and then holy fuck we may have to admit that maybe things aren’t how we display them online? You see, as much as I love a positive polly, I am all for sharing this year some content “Hey. I’m human. Today is shit. Anybody else feelin’ it?”
I know you may think I am hypocritical but really banging on about negativity on social media isn’t the vibe either, but what I am saying that this endless cycle of facetuned pictures and photoshopped lives are creating a dark, dark void in the everyday reality 99 percent of us live.
Nobody’s perfect. NO-BODY. That’s what makes us all so lovable. So relatable. Our flaws. Our struggles. Our perseverance.
So I abso-fucking-lutely want to hear about your celebrations and your happiness. I’m not trying to be all Negative Nancy here. Shout it from the mountaintops. I will pop a bottle in your honor.
But I also want to be there for you when the shit hits the fan. When things aren’t going as smoothly as you might like. I want to rally behind you and lift you up and tell you I will always have an ear for you to vent to, Because that’s life. That’s connection. That’s humanity.
Let’s just pledge to cut the crap, OK?
I don’t buy this perfectionist social media shit and I never have. And I know that we all have become victims of this, hell that’s why I stopped blogging, that’s why I stopped posting on social media. It all just seemed so made up. Like a fairy land – a competition – which to be quite frank I couldn’t be arsed to partake in anymore. What with the influx of suicide and self harm figures literally tripling over the years since social media was created we can’t sit here and pretend anymore that these small apps aren’t kinda fucking us all up. Don’t get me wrong, the positives of social media are many, I mean I wouldn’t even have a job if it wasn’t for social media. But the social side of it all, has died. Lets be real here, when was the last time you were actually social on social media? The last time you commented on a strangers picture without the assumption that they’ll like your picture back, or shared a picture to be social? Rather than to just show how fabulous your life is?
I don’t necessarily blame anyone for wanting to make their lives look more glamorous than they really are, I do it and probably will continue, because who doesn’t like a pretty picture? and In some ways, it’s hard not to work towards a perfect image of yourself when everyone else is, it’s like we need to keep up with the jones’s. But instead of the Jone’s being the suburban perfect little family with the white picket fence down the road, the Jone’s are now the instagram family with a million followers and the perfectly curated feed. Bullshit.
Just because someone appears to have their shit together on social media doesn’t mean they do in real life. In many cases, this could be a clear sign of overcompensation. You know like that couple who are constantly sharing loved up pictures of themselves on instagram, then all of a sudden they’ve had a seriously shitty and public break up. One word. overcompensation.
I find trying to put on a front and be positive all the time, quite exhausting, some people are naturally happy and my god, do I envy them – but even these people have bad days. I have tried quite a few go’s at this Happiness thing, I’ve moved abroad, I’ve moved from town to town, to city to city, had relationship to relationship, gone out, stayed in. Tried switching careers, friends, men. But you know what I realised? Nothing in this world that stands externally outside of you will create happiness inside of you. Please take a moment and realise this. That think you are striving for, that thing that you think will make you happy, it won’t. Believe me. Happiness is not a destination, it’s not a given, attaining happiness is something that needs to be worked on day in day out, it doesn’t just flow freely for some of us, as much as we would like it too.
But what I find is people like to put a ‘mask’ on – a façade- a mask to conceal their real feelings, how they are really feeling. Why do we find it mandatory to pretend? We put on our make up, take a shower and head out into the world pretending, thinking “I don’t want to bother people” // “Nobody likes negative people” // “i’d rather deal with this alone” so we carry on, we bite our lip and we pretend we are okay. We are almost lost in our own glossy appearance. Its easier to put a ‘mask’ on our own reality, when things aren’t going quite as we would of liked. Instagram and social media have made it very easy for us to live in a bit of a fairytale bubble, a filtered reality. I mean people are going to like, share and follow you if you have the latest Chanel bag, but will they if you let them know you’ve just spent 2 hours crying? That you’ve just failed an exam? That you hate your job? That your behind on rent and are really struggling?
How are you today?
So lets make a deal in 2019 the next time someone asks you “Are you okay?” And you start to reply with the standard “yeah fine thanks just tired” tell them the truth. Tell them if you’re having a bit of a shitty time, you don’t know how much someone else may need to hear it. to not feel alone. I know this sounds a bit depressing, but it’s reality. Take the mask off and let the people who love you and care about you in, as hard as it is nothing is harder than dealing with everything on your own. Promise.
Since this superficial use of social media seems to be such a problem, at least for me, I have been thinking what exactly can we do about it?
Start sharing all of yourself, both the good and the bad.
Are you having one of those days where everything feels hopeless? Share it.
Is self-doubt creeping in? Let others know it.
Do you need support or reassurance? Ask for it.
We’re all so convinced everyone else is perfect that we forget every single one of us has flaws, cracks, and insecurities that ultimately make us human.