Where have all my friends gone?


No one really quite prepares you for what adult life is really like.

Summed up, It’s a bit like running around a hamster wheel, that’s on fire. Along with student loans, saving, mortgages, the constant questions: “when are you getting married? Have you not bought a house yet? What are you doing with your degree? endless instagram envy of girls floating around on a inflatable Swan in Miami (seriously where do I apply for this job?!) OH and that great graduate job that you were supposed to get? LOL no. Its not a real thing. Basically adult life comes with a lot of crap, otherwise known as ‘responsibilities’

*sighs into white wine spritzer after a long commute home from work*.

LOSING FRIENDS 

What people really do not prepare you for though – is that among the chaos of your twenties – you lose friends. This one is particularly painful to grasp, I mean, break ups are hard, REALLY HARD. But losing a best friend? Earth shattering. And when I say losing I don’t mean them passing away, I mean the inevitable growing apart that comes with growing up. What people don’t seem to tell you is that once you’ve graduated and/or left highschool, that tight friendship group seems to, well, disappear. Sure, we all have friends, but faced daily with working full time, children, savings, trying to cram in a work out, binge watching Netflix, pretending to have perfect lives online and keeping afloat a social life it puts strain on all of us.

No longer faced with long days at school or uni as a pack of giggly girls, laughing away at the back of classrooms, planning sleepovers, watching endless gossip girl marathons, ordering pizza and cheap vodka. Your once ‘sister like’ friendships start to slowly fade into a rose-tinted memory of your ‘glory’ days.

In my adult life I’ve met some great people, and honestly some of the girls I have met whilst working have been life savers, helping me through my day-to-day and just being absolute BABES. But at work there’s a sense of professional bullshit – almost competition – what about if I don’t want to compete with my best friend for a promotion? I don’t want to be stuck in an office. It’s just not the same, it never is the same.

EFFORT WORKS BOTH WAYS 

Don’t get me wrong, it definitely works both ways. I am very much a part of this ‘forgetting to reply to messages’, being too tired to make social events, and just faffing around trying to keep on top of life as well as maintaining a consistently good social life. As I have wrote about previously, there is a lot of pressure on young people to ‘have it all’ including a buzzing social life.

I think most people find as they ‘grow up’ their partner kind of fills the gap when they lose their tight friendship groups. It’s cliché but my boyfriend has become my best friend now. BUT he’s a ‘boy’ (ewww lols) but seriously, I miss the days spent planning girlie nights out when we had £5 pocket money but still managing to have the time of our lives. I miss painting each other’s nails and having sleepovers where we watch Disney films, giggling over the cute boy from school who has put your name on his MSN status and now you GENUINELY think your going to marry him, age 12. I.D.S.T.

TAKING DIFFERENT PATHS 

I now have a handful of (very good) friends, but my favourite, favourite people live miles and miles away from me, a few on the other side of the world. We have all gone in our own directions. Once there’s no daily uni lectures or school days, people split in different directions, into different lives, into different people.

Some friendships have passed their expiration date, the truth is that some people come in your life for seasons, they teach you lessons that are needed at different stages of your life, but I still care for them and treasure the times we had.

I miss the innocence, I miss the naivety, I miss the friendship, I miss them.

12 Comments

  1. July 6, 2016 / 12:48 pm

    I can totally relate to this. Even in my 30’s.
    I have yet to make the same friendships I made in my school days.. even now.
    Life choices I’ve made, job roles I’ve taken (mainly in a male orientated work) have meant I’ve just replaced those I’ve lost along the way. Added in time off then out of work with having a baby. I have friends I met through mummy groups and being a parent and we are close, but, I still miss the ‘fun’. Blogging as well has brought me some friends which I’m grateful for.
    However, personally, I believe I sometimes want and expect more from friendships than others may do. I believe more so down to being an only child.

    Caroline.x
    http://www.carolineelgeywhite.com

    • Blonde Ambition
      July 6, 2016 / 1:08 pm

      Ahh im glad to see that you’ve made friends through blogging! I hope so too! How long have you been blogging for? Yeah I totally agree this all relates to all age groups not just twenties! I just found it most prominent going from being a teen to my twenties as there is a massive difference in friendships! I have also changed a lot, so I guess people expect me to be the same as I used to! x

  2. July 6, 2016 / 8:03 pm

    Weirdly I count myself to be rather fortunate that I didn’t have solid friendships in school or college as it meant I didn’t have to deal with drifting away from them. Don’t get me wrong I had friends but we were hardly best buds and wouldn’t even make time for each other during the holidays. I do find it really nice that some of the girls I went to school with still hang out on a regular basis despite living in different cities now but I think they’re a rare breed. For the most part, everyone I went to high school with broke away from their best friends and have moved on to marriages, babies and trying to figure out how to get a mortgage.

    http://www.raisethewaves.com

  3. July 9, 2016 / 9:11 am

    I can completely relate to this! After moving to a different area which was 2 hours away from where my secondary school was based, I certainly grew distant to a lot of my childhood friends! It was harder to organise meet ups with them and felt that some didn’t put in the effort, due to the complications of distance and travelling! Those people now are strangers to me, which I find quite sad. But those who did put in the effort with me (and me vice versa), I’ve found I’ve grown extremely close to! Although I may have fewer friends, I have found that the quality of my friends has increased; as I’ve got older, I’ve realised that quality is better than quantity and that everything does happen for a reason.

    • Blonde Ambition
      July 11, 2016 / 8:03 am

      Definitely! I think it really highlights who is in your life for the long run! I have moved about a lot in my life too, and some people have made little effort! Also I think you can meet someone now and have a better friendship then someone you have known for years which I think is great! 🙂 Thanks for reading! xx

  4. October 1, 2016 / 6:31 pm

    I have found since hitting my twenties that I have faced a very similar thing. But, something I have learnt is that true friends will always remain your friends. I do think it is a part of growing up.

    Sophie | It’s Cultured X

  5. January 22, 2017 / 5:32 pm

    This is really interesting 0 I recently blogged about a similar take on it. It is weird I had a great social life and made amazing friends at uni but they are dispersed around the globe and I have never felt more lonely – I have friends but my best friend I have grown apart from and it’s soul destroying not having that close friendship bond.

    http://www.careergirlsite.co.uk

  6. January 29, 2017 / 9:07 pm

    I can totally relate to this post, it is so hard to adapt and I agree with you that effort definitely works both ways! Glad I am not alone on this 🙂

  7. January 31, 2017 / 4:46 pm

    I’m the type of person that I never had a really close friend group until I was an adult. I had friends in high school, but I wasn’t as close to them as my friends now. We’re all still in contact, so I suppose I am lucky even in that regard. I do relate to your post because I had some friends that I thought I would have for a lifetime. People grow and change and sometimes that means you become incompatible. It’s a sad reality of life that we can be so close and gradually become unrecognizable. This is a great post, girl!

    Breanna Catharina
    toocuteforlife.com

  8. Path Well Traveled
    May 20, 2017 / 12:42 am

    This one really hit home. I’d say about a year or two ago I lost a friendship and a friend that I’d had for six years. I couldn’t believe it had simply collapsed. I had built my whole social life around her and the mutual friends we had (whom were really just her friends or acquaintances) and then found myself with no one around me. What bugged me the most is that during this time I realised how I’d neglected other people. A girl who I’d been friends with since Primary school all the way through to college recently celebrated her sister’s marriage. She’d once asked me how I’d feel about going to which I was over the moon. I saw pictures of her and another girl (we were like the three musketeers) and it made my eyes sting. Learning how to balance everything is the biggest challenge of all. We don’t realise as adults how little time there is and how much commitment each part of our lives demands. Energy wise alone I feel burnt out from doing a five hour shift at work. I completely agree with the statement about people being in your life for a reason. Every encounter, every experience we have is for a reason. Of course during the (heat of the) moment we don’t realise it but years later we can see how good or bad it was. I miss and cherish the bond we had, the memories we shared and the moments.

    • Year of You
      May 22, 2017 / 7:43 am

      Wow this is so similar to a situation i have been through. I loved this “Every encounter, every experience we have is for a reason”. Yes trying to balance everything in adulthood is definitely hard! Thanks so much for commenting! x

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